Depression

Depression. Many have it. Many live their lives with it. Depression deadens our emotions, clouds our thoughts, and saddens the brightness of life. I've endured depression for as long as I can remember. At first, it cursed me. It rose it's ugly cloud and grayed all the color of life. It overcast my thoughts, removed me from friends, from laughter, from solace, and left me lonely, sunken, and tearful.

Yet, in the darkness of my mind the light of Christ burst forth. I returned to His Word and I returned to prayer. I cast off the stigma that depression is a weakness and learned that in reality it is a blessing, a comfort, and a peace. For depression turns my heart to God and I thank God for it. It emboldened my heart to speak forth in weakness that brokenness is better, sorrow is sweeter, and joy is magnified in the midst of gloomy sadness.

I learned that sadness is an emotion; that happiness is fleeting, and that the "joy of the Lord is my strength" (Neh 8:10). I am blessed so highly blessed to have

the rigors of depression coursing through the segments of my mind!

For my God binds up my wound as he heals my heart (Psa. 147:3). My care is upon Him for I trust not these murky shadows of darkened thought.

I fight, I struggle, I'm broken, I'm tormented by fear, by anxiety, by nervousness, by tragic thought, gloomy nights, and overcast mornings. Tears come often, tears come quick and each one bleeds and heals. Oh! The goodness and greatness of God to give me this... so great a gift!

For while others trust in happiness I do not. While others seek the removal of sadness I seek it's peace. While others run from the scourge of correction, I live, yes, I magnify it's fire for I know and I'm convinced with every tear that all things work together for my good (Rom. 8:28). I am killed all the day-long (Psa. 44:22) by depression, by thoughts of weakness, by feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, by irritability, by bouts of anger, and by restlessness.

My heart turns to God who created and fashioned me this way. He will not fail me, he will not turn away, he will not wonder or snicker or avoid. Weeping may last through this night of my life but joy comes in the morning (Psa. 30:5). I seek, I long for, and I hope until the day star rises in my heart and I see Him face to face (2 Pet. 1:19; 1 Cor. 13:12).

A prayer: "Thank you for depression, for sadness, for black and gloomy days. Thank you for these errant emotions that turn my heart to thee. Oh, give me words, give me insight to comfort those with this same blessed affliction. Those who live in the valley, in caves, and darkened places. Those on the edge, those broken and crushed beneath the weighted torment of their own ugly thinking. Gift them your joy that is more than an emotion, more than a thought, but is like a silver lining the frame of a too dark picture. Thank you, for we, we blessed, are wonderfully created with the extra care you've enriched us with--that of depression.