Opening Up

Sometimes its best to do what you really don’t want to do. Sometimes when things are not working its best to try something different.

So, that is what I’m doing here. I’m writing to my friends when I don’t feel like writing. When I feel as if my writing is worthless and when I’m not the ‘most upbeat camper’ on the block.

I’m opening up to my friends and sharing with them all that is going on in my life. All in the hope that something that I say will click… something that is written may encourage and let them know that what they feel and think at times is common among others… that they are not alone in their feelings or their thoughts.

Here lately I’ve felt like everything that I’m doing is for naught. I battle with thoughts that they say, “you are a failure.” Ever feel that way? Ever think those thoughts. Maybe I’m alone here but its been a battle lately.

The Word of God encourages but the negativity remains. This is not and has not been a fast cure. On some days the battle is not so intense and yet at others… well, I don’t even like living with me. Ever feel that way?

Maybe it’s the changes that are occurring in my life? The retirement from the Air Force in March. The promised job that’s taken six months to materialize and still… I’m waiting. Or, maybe its the weeds in the back yard…

I will say this though, if not for friends and family I’m sure that I would have succumbed to my own depression. That’s right I said depression. I know, Christians are not suppose to get down or depressed or sad… we are taught that we are always suppose to be up, cheerful, and just wonderful people all the time.

Well I’m not wonderful all the time and I suspect that others are much the same way.
Sometimes I get angry for really stupid reasons and sometimes I say things that cut and sometimes I just feel like quitting.

Ever feel like quitting on yourself? You read the Bible and then you compare your life with it and you find a big, big difference. You read how others overcame, conquered, and remained steadfast and you look deep within your heart and you don’t see those same attributes…. ever feel this way?

Day in and day out you hope and your pray that God will change you because a while ago you found out… I can’t do this thing on my own. You recognize that its totally about grace and mercy and the Lord’s forgiveness. Yet, your heart so desires righteousness… because you so want to bring glory to your Heavenly Father…

If you’ve ever felt this way then you are not alone. King David felt this way… Job felt this way… and the Apostle Paul felt this way.

A brother in Christ in Australia wrote much more elegantly about such feels. Please consider his thoughts at: http://www.net-burst.net/search.htm